Rambunctious Joy!

It is all from Him and for Him

2012-02-08T14:12:00.000-05:00

Beams of light fall across a floor littered with toys, reflect off the table scattered with crackers and applesauce.

Evidence of the flu that has been making its way through our family since Saturday.

I am humbled by how God is working in my life. At the things He is doing, and at the way He is doing them.

I wish I had words to express the gratitude and joy that are settling deep, filling to over-flowing.

But this I do know;

It is all from Him and for Him.

God's ways, not only are the right, perfect, they are filled with His wisdom and dripping in His sovereignty.

It is easy, at times, when life is filled with sunshine and we are on the mountain top singing for joy, to give God credit for being sovereign, for being Holy, for His perfect gifts.

But I would rather walk with God in darkness than dance on the mountain alone.

For it has only been through this past year (or more) that God has settled within me the Truth of Who He Is.

Sure, I could tell you that God is always good, that He is in control and knows what He's doing -always. But there was a point in my life, not so long ago where I couldn't live it.

I would say it, over and over and over again because I knew in my head that it was right, but that knowledge never went anywhere.

It didn't penetrate the marrow of my heart, or fill the emptiness.

If I stopped and looked hard enough, it was because I wasn't fully sure I believed it.

God's grace is abundant though and He has been working amazing things in my life. I can tell you now, without a doubt. That He is Good. That He is Sovereign. That His plans and timing are Perfect in every way.

So what changed?

My heart in God's hands.

God worked and I, sometimes kicking, screaming and throwing a little fit, allowed Him access to areas of my heart, my life, that I had been hiding from. That I had been protecting and building walls around.

Oh was it ever painful (still is when I fail to surrender something to Him that I know I need to), but the wonder of God in my life (!) I can't being to tell you of the changes He is bringing about. The peace that settles deep and the joy that is daily there.

He is ALL I will EVER need. He is my EVERYTHING.

2012-02-01T15:27:00.000-05:00

God is God and He is enough.

Always.

Provision and Blessing Abound

2012-01-27T21:26:00.000-05:00

God has been providing constantly for our family. Sometimes, it is hard to see, sometimes it takes looking beyond myself to fully realize just how fortunate we have been, just how blessed we are.

It's about forgetting about me, about my wants, and learning to trust fully, rest completely and surrender every area to God's control.

We found out on Tuesday that Troy is now teaching an evening class at the college two nights a week. And, that he has one class at one of the high schools in town. As of now we are still waiting to hear about one LTO that he applied for, he didn't get one of them and we are pretty sure that he didn't get this one either.

But you know what? It simply means that God has something so much better for us. It might not be the *traditional* work of 9 to 5 (or similar) but it is going to be good.

I am so thankful for the way that God is working, for the way that He is blessing our lives and filling our days and providing for our family.

Anthony had a GREAT time in Toronto visiting my family and we have been thrilled to have my mom here since Tuesday. Sadly she leaves tomorrow morning, but I will be going down in just over a month (!)

Alexandra is learning to read by leaps and bounds She's my silly girl. Shes known how to read for close to six months, I've caught her reading to her dollies but she has refused to read to Troy or I. This past week she has been reading like crazy. We've gone to the library twice this week to pick out books for her So proud of her.

Owen is still Owen. He is growing and losing that little boy look. We sign him up for Kindergarten in two weeks...my baby. And yet, he's ready and I am ready. But it is hard, we are moving into a new season of life. A season that involves letting go and watching the grow and change and flourish as they come into the little people that God has created them to be.

I have been busy, learning how to cut even more out of our grocery budget (homemade buns are yummy with homemade burgers (venison/beer/beef!) and that is just one way of God providing for us), patching knees on pants like it is going out of style....why oh why do they all insist on wearing out at the same time?

Babysitting lots the past 16 days. Again, not something I expected to be doing again on a full-time basis, but it is only temporary and it is just another way that God has been blessing us. It's been SO much fun but I am so not used to having a 10 month old around anymore and I am tired by the end of the day. A good tired though because he is the sweetest, easiest little boy and my kids just love having him around! It is such a joy to watch my 3 interact with him

I was super excited last week to have a family photo shoot for a family that I had never met before. They were a wonderful family and I am very happy with how their pictures turned out. . . I have even said yes to photographing a wedding! Not something I ever planned on doing, but a good friend of Troy's asked (I took their newborn pictures) and I felt like I could do it. So at some point in June (still waiting to hear on the date) I will be a wedding photographer (!)

We were supposed to be able to see the Northern Lights the other night, but by the time we got far enough out of the city that the lights weren't too bright, there was too much cloud cover to see anything! But it was a nice drive out to country and a peaceful drive down the back roads to get home.

Thoughts

2012-01-19T13:58:00.001-05:00

After a winter that has been fairly mild, this cold comes as a shock. And when I say cold, I really do mean c.o.l.d. As in freeze your nose hairs and teeth cold. As in, there is ice inside on the windows...even on top of the plastic that has been put up to help keep the heat in. Cold as in I have zero desire to bundle up to take the 25 steps across the street to see if there is mail in the mailbox.

But if it weren't this cold,
this morning I would not have seen the sparkling for ice crystals on the ground as the sun rose over the tops of the houses.
I wouldn't have been able to spend the morning with a wonderful friend while our kids played really, really nicely together.
I wouldn't have been nearly as thankful for the sunbeams that are streaming in my living-room windows right now, warming the room up and shining light through the house.

Tonight, Anthony heads to Toronto. On a plane, with a friend of mine who was generous enough to let him fly down with her. This is his first big solo trip. He's stayed with his gramma and aunt and uncle before, but they live here in town. He is super excited. I'm super excited because it means on Tuesday, my mom comes up here to visit! She is flying back with Anthony.

We have found out that Troy has one full-time period for February. Thank God! It means that we will have benefits again. It means he still needs an LTO for us to make ends meet, but the addition of benefits again is huge (it means I don't have to ration meds any more...but even in that God has been providing and carrying me through).

I have a family photo shoot Saturday and am really looking forward to it. I can't wait to meet the family and find out what make them *them*. For me, I think that is one of the best things about being a photographer. It's finding out what makes a family *them* and then being able (or trying at least) to capture that through the lens of my camera in a way that others will see it too.

I have pictures.....lots of pictures, but my laptop died and Dell is sending me another one....it will be here Monday, but until then I have no editing program and no way to upload the pictures to the computer. But that's OK. Thankful it comes on Monday and thankful too that Dell was helpful and willing to accommodate me (it was a brand new laptop...I love super special surprise Christmas presents....that started giving me grief 3 weeks after I got it and it went downhill from there!) But the new one arrives on Monday and I am looking forward to it!!

Counting Grace, Finding Joy, Choosing Thanks

2012-01-13T06:59:00.002-05:00

It is hard. So hard.

But for me, it is worth it, pointing back to God when I sit and question and wonder when it will ever stop.

Yup...trials, love them and hate them all at the same time.

So what will I do?

I will (ahem...try) to consider it ALL joy. Yup, all of it.

Because in the midst of it God is teaching me to trust Him, and sometimes His love brings pain.

But you want to know something?

That's a good thing.

It really is.

It means I stop and consider God's Character, Who He is and what He does. Not just in my life or the lives of people who I know, but through out history.

And guess what...."The Lord is full of compassion and is merciful" (James 5:11)

Did I happen to mention that I am involved in 2 (yes, 2!) Bible studies on the book of James?

What are the chances that God is trying to tell me something that is not making it's way past the stubborn, me-focused walls in my heart and mind?!?!

One of them is this:
James:Mercy Triumphs by Beth Moore

and the other is the Bible Study Troy and I go to Wednesday nights at our Pastor's house. Just looking, verse by verse, chapter by chapter at James and learning how to apply it to our lives and to live for Christ by showing mercy and living in community even in the midst of trials.

We are still waiting to hear if Troy will have full-time work come the start of second semester in February.

Waiting, waiting, waiting. Sometimes I don't wait all that patiently and I get discouraged and frustrated and lose sight of the fact that God knows.

He has this all under control and none of it (did you just read that?) NONE of it, is a surprise.

Not the joblessness.

Not my reactions to it.

Not Troy's reactions to it.

Not the effect it is having on our family.

NONE.OF.IT is a surprise to God and you know what? It's all good.

So at the start of a new year, I count blessings - those little glimpses of light and hope and joy - in the midst of my day:

178. kids laughter

179. family board games

180. sleep

181. encouragement

182.anticipation of a visit

183. little boy *tiny hugs*

184. gentle kids kisses

185. a house becoming (slowly) organized

186. Kijiji

187. Etsy

188.stepping out in fear and faith

189. two (!) Bible studies on James

190. vanilla ice cream

191. gift cards

192. silly kids

193. snow-pants, hats, mitts, slush strewn in our enterance

194.beautiful sunrises

195. hand written letters

196. bear, deer and cow in the freezer

197. no meat on our grocery bill

198.waiting on God

199.struggling to grasp joy and have it placed in my lap

200.coffee with a friend

201.cuddles with sick kids

202.an evening to myself

203. Anthony truly happy

204. gift cards from a number of different people (some who know me well enough to know that Starbucks is the way to my hear *grin*!)

205. rain (in January, in Northern Ontario)

206. friends at a distance, connected through Facebook
207. time to clean my house

208. booking a 5 day trip just for me.

209. cheap airfare

210. new meals to make and try

211.kids playing kindly together

212. chance to play with my kids 1 on 1

213. work for Troy for a day...another day booked

214. warm, warm January weather (like windows open, heat turned off)

215. night-time pictures

216. McDonalds with a good friend and her kids

217. tears

218. waiting

219. purging of old toys

220. learning (again, continually) to die to self

221. home-made pretzels

222. a daughter who loves to cook.

223. Dell costumer service and a replacement labtop.

May God's grace find you this weekend. May His joy surround and bring laughter.

Little Chef

2012-01-09T23:01:00.002-05:00

Alexandra got this cookbook and this cookbook for Christmas.

I think the pictures speak for themselves.....:)

Cure for the Grumpies

2012-01-01T21:30:00.000-05:00

Because it's been a rough few weeks. I have been so easily frustrated and just in an all round crummy mood. There are so many reasons for it.

Some of which I can justify, some of it is simply me being lazy and allowing my human nature to win even when I so desperately don't want it too.
Some of it is the meds and the fact that I think they need adjusting again (but when the dr. who is doing mat leave for my family dr. asks me why I'm there, I tell her and she looks at me and the 3 kids I have in tow and says "How do you have time to be depressed?" I really have no desire to go back until my family dr is back!)

But this day, overcast but warmish with a touch of wind. Filled with lots and lots of snow and ice. This day was needed.

God's grace in the moment. In the middle of the frustration and apathy, He showed up and showed me Himself.

Reminded me of the mercy of Jesus and the grace that flows from His love always, daily, for the moment.

Sometimes, for me, it takes getting out in the middle of nowhere (or in this case a lake on the side of the highway to Upsala) for me to find God again. To be reminded of Who He is and who I am without Him and to find the joy of who I am with Him.

The kids had a blast. Well, Xanj and Owen had a blast (but it WAS Xanj's idea to go...she is totally into the whole outdoor adventure stuff), Anthony wasn't feeling 100% and spent most of the afternoon sitting in the van reading his TinTin book (and wishing he could be home playing a Star Wars III!)

We were gone all day. Left the house before 8am and didn't get home until after 5.

And I was content.happy.joy-filled.

Because God is all I need. In the midst of the uncertainty of jobs or the tension that sometimes builds under the stress of that uncertainty or the rollarcoaster of emotions that seem to over-take me some days,

God is all I need and that was the reminder I got loud and clear as the kids were fishing (or pretending to be polar bears and roaming around the lake!).

The smiles on their faces and the beauty of creation around me.

I love that God knows what will touch my heart, what I need, when I need Him to reach down and touch the places of ice within my heart.

This post is every where and I am not even sure if it is coherent...

I am thankful for people who surprise me with generosity and gifts. For people who are real and honest.

Growing Up

2011-12-29T22:55:00.000-05:00

She's been asking (and asking and asking) to be able to pierce her ears. So her 'big' present from Troy and I was a gift certificate to Claire's to go and get them pierced.

Waiting for the lady to be ready.

Getting the second ear done.

YAY!! She was so very happy.

Enjoying a Strawberries and Creme smoothie from Starbucks on the way home
(I love that the families of kids I babysit know me so well...yay for gift cards!)

Snapshots of Christmas

2011-12-29T09:41:00.001-05:00

aka...our Christmas vacation in pictures

Owen's Pre-school Party

Christmas Morning

Christmas Dinner With Troy's Family

(even those from Scotland!!)

Random Pictures...Tree Cutting, Pre-school Party, Gingerbread decorating

This little boy really does hold my heart...in fact, they all do

Christmas...
I love Christmas. This year it didn't go as I planned, there was attitude and frustration and disappointment and missing of family. (Oh....and the kids were a little cranky too!)
But all in all, it was good.
I love that despite the way things worked out, that God taught me a lot through it....then again, maybe, just maybe that is why things worked out the way the did.
Because if it had gone as I had planned would I truly have leaned on Him and relied on His strength for my every need?
Another week and a bit of vacation here. Yesterday we took the kids to see the newest Alvin and the Chipmunks movie ("Chipwrecked"), it was really cute and fairly well done. Anthony is REALLY excited to go see the TinTin movie. He loves the books and desperately wants to see the moive, so that is on the agenda for next week. Troy and I are hoping to get a date in there at some point....probbaly New Year's Eve as we already have a babysitter so we will do something in the afternoon and then head over to a friend's house to play games till I turn into a pumpkin (which will more than likely be prior to midnight but I will stay!)
Today it is snowing. A soft, wet, perfect for snowman and snowball snow. In fact, it has been snowing for 24 hours and I love how the world is transformed by it. The kids are playing Operation and Kerplunk and I am procrastinating from cleaning and organizing their craft cupboard...but I will need to get to it before lunch as all the stuff is spread across the kitchen table!
Tomorrow we are probably headed to Upsula to icefish with Uncle Mikey. The kids are excited and I am looking forward to taking my camera and capturing moments while the kids sled and fish and play in the snow.

Dance Recital

2011-12-21T23:27:00.002-05:00

I borrowed a video camera from a friend so I could get Xanj dancing. My family has yet to see her dance so I thought that this would be a good way for them to see her.

Christmas is almost here and I am starting to get excited. The kids are flying high... they have 2 days left of school and are counting every second. Part of me is glad that they go right to the 23 this year, it means that they are home longer in January. And part of me wishes that they were already off. It would feel more like Christmas if they were home.
The weather here has been so strange. There is hardly any snow on the ground and there are days when it is still possible to be outside (and comfortable) in just a fleece and a vest....not that I am complaining....the warmer weather means we don't use as much heat which is a huge blessing! Do I want snow for Christmas? Of course, but I am going to be thankful for the weather we are having.

I had the chance to photograph a friend's newborn baby boy last weekend. He is such a sweetheart (and the only newborn who has actually slept for his pictures!)

I have a bunch of pictures from December to post, and maybe once life slows down a little I will get that chance. I had been asked to put together some pictures for the Cantata at our church so I spent awhile having fun trying to figure out how I wanted to do it!

Well, my bed is calling and morning will come early!

Gift Bags

2011-12-11T07:48:00.000-05:00

We were running out of gift bags and I had a few Sunday School teacher gifts left wrap. And by the end of the day I am usually d.o.n.e. With no desire to go to a store (especially at this time of year) to buy something.

SO, I remembered I had left over felt from Anthony's hallowe'en costume, so I made these gift bags.

Here's how:

Cut two 3.5x5 rectangles for the bottom
Cut two 5.5x7 rectangles for sides
Cut to 3.5x7 rectangles for the other sides.

Sew the a decoration (in this case a star) on the front of one side.
Next sew together the four sides, iron seams flat
Sew the 2 bottom pieces onto the bottom of the bag (the two pieces together give the bag some strength and allow it to stand up)
Now take the same material you used for the decoration on the front, and make binding to go around the top (I cut mine 2 inches by the distance around the top of the bag plus half an inch for overlap)

Note: you can cut 4 of each side piece if you want to give the bag even more stability....I just didn't have enough felt for that.

And there you have it. A pretty gift bag that you can make in less than 15minutes!

Craftiness

2011-12-11T07:33:00.001-05:00

Pinterest has got me hooked. I love it and the incredible creations I can find there.

I made these based on a couple of things I saw there that I was to *lazy* or *cheap* to try.

For this one, I cut strips of construction paper about 1cm wide by the length of the paper, tied a loose knot and folded it around into a star...once I find the link that actually shows pictures I'll post that ;)
Then I just filled a clear glass ornament full.

These ones are super easy and SO not time consuming.....ribbon shoved (literally) into clear ornaments!

But they are oh so pretty!

Scattered

2011-12-08T10:15:00.001-05:00

I'm grouchy today. Just blah and don't have the motivation to do anything. Not in the house, not with the kids.
Not anything.

I don't know what it is.

The dishes pile high on the counter, the kitchen table looks like it has been attacked by a craft monster, the floors are in desperate need of a cleaning, the bathrooms could stand a good scrub down, laundry needs to get put away and the list goes on....

Frankly? I.don't.care.

Except that I do. For I want to work at everything as if working for the Lord.
For this place, this home, these four walls and 3 kids, are my calling. It's where I am supposed to be. What I am supposed to be investing in and training them up and setting an example and this morning? Well, it's just not there.

Sometimes I feel very alone. I go through days where my only interaction is with my kids. And not that that is a bad thing, but there are days I long for more. Something different. A connection of some sort. Today is just one of those days. Where I wonder why I do what I do. If anyone notices.And I know that the One who truly matters. That He notices it all. But sometimes. . . and it is totally my insecurities talking here....I just want to know that I am needed, that I am doing OK, that ...yeah, I'll stop there.

God is all I need and I have been so grateful at the amazing ways He has been working in my life and showing me Himself. I spent a long time longing for an intimate closeness with Him and these past 3 weeks have been amazing, God-given, grace-filled days-moments-minutes of pure peace and joy in the midst of the crazy. And I am in awe of that.

It truly has been like God surrounded me in a bubble filled with Him. It's not a feeling I take for granted. As I look for Him in places, I have found it easier (sometimes) to be patient and gentle when speaking with my kids, God's provided me with the strength to work through their temper tantrums and fighting.

Last night we had out Bible study's Christmas potluck. One of the older guys started talking to me and we got on the topic of kids and kids in church and he made the comment that he really enjoys watching me with my 3 on a Sunday morning. How he turns and looks at his wife and they just smile. He said he likes that the fidget and talk and aren't sitting poker straight in the pews.

It did this momma's heart good to hear that. I know what the opinion from the pulpit is, that kids are kids and they are to be kids, but it is SO nice to hear from someone sitting behind our family in church say the same thing. Because it is a struggle of mine - how *still* and *good* to I try to get them to be and how much should I just let them be who they are? I worry about what people are thinking and how they are reacting to the not so quietness that is my kids on a Sunday morning (or the running and dancing in the aisle or the fit that results when I tell them something) I don't want to be a distraction to those worshipping around me, but at the same time, I don't want my kids to feel like they are not wanted in the service, that they are welcome only if they can sit like adults.

Wow, this post is all over the place.....

I got Photoshop Elements on Monday and I am loving it.....It is making my editing SO much easier. Things that I had to do in 10 steps before (because I was using a version from 1994!), I click and can do in one or two. Thankful for 60% off sales and early Christmas presents (my brother got us a new laptop...which means Elements actually works on our home computer now!)

Owen is 3 and 3 in this house at least is a hard age. He is testing every.single.boundary and limit there is and I am finding it very draining trying to stay consistent and gracious in my parenting. There's frustration that finds it's way through, most certainly and I can only pray that God will look at my heart and be gracious to me and Owen on the days I mess up more often then not.

O Christmas Tree

2011-12-05T22:32:00.001-05:00

A Glimpse of Our Weekend

2011-12-04T21:18:00.001-05:00

What did we do?
Lots and a whole lot of nothing.
It was a perfect weekend.
Filled with outings, Christmas-y things, friends, quiet and a day filled with just the 5 of us.

Ramblings of a Tired Mommy

2011-12-02T21:36:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I forget how crazy busy life can get in our house when Mommy is feeling normal.

As in, I do not think that I have felt like this in a really really looooong time. These meds (yes plural) are doing wonders for the depression. It is the first time since I have started the meds that I have been on them for more then 8 weeks without hitting bottom again. I am so grateful to God for how He has been working through all of this.

It is never easy - but I can look back, from this point of encompassing joy and Gods prescense surrounding me like a bubble, - and see how He has been working in my life.

Chaning me, drawing me closer to Him and showing me areas in my life that have been in desperate need of change.

Namely the fact that it is NOT all about me (go figure eh)

This week Troy finally had a full week of supply teaching. The first in a long time and we are both super thankful for that. It meant that I had to half days all to my self. It was really really nice. I do not even remember what I did on Monday but Wednesday was grreat.

I dropped Owen off at pre-school and went for a drive to the border to pick up business cards and labels for my photography business. On the drive there, God blessed me with a beautfiul morning.

The sun was slowly getting higher in the sky, turning the mist rising off the fields of snow a golden hue. There was smoke hovering low over the road and the car would, on occassion, fill with the smell of the fires warming the farm houses I was driving past.

It was a moment from God, reminding me that He is always with me and that there is no where I can go where He is not there, protecting, watching, drawing me even closer. I could feel Him filling the car, sitting with me as I drove and just letting me bask in His perfect peace.

Somedays, I need that. The tangible reminder that God is all I need.

This weekend we are going to cut down our Christmas tree and get it set up, I have a photo shoot tomorrow so I am hoping that it is not -22C again! Not that I can complain. This fall has been amazing in terms of temperature. We could use more rain or snow, but the mild temperatures have been wonderful. The kids have been out almost every day after school playing in the snow. It is great to see them so excited about it.

2011-11-23T19:02:00.001-05:00

The blog has been quiet lately.

I've been busy.

Kids are sick.

Learning daily what it means that the LORD is God - and how that relates to my every.day.life.

Because if He is God. Then I have nothing to fear, nothing to worry about and there are no surprises for Him who sits upon the throne.

Are there surprises for me? Oh yeah.

Should they throw me for a wild ride?

Um.....do they? often yes.....should they? well, see...here's the thing about giving thanks and living what I believe. It's that God is in everything and part of everything so if it doesn't surprise Him, it shouldn't effect the me. I should (notice I say should and not do!) still trust Him and praise Him and follow where ever it is He takes me.

Even when I feel like I have made the wrong decision. I know that He can still use it for Him, for conforming me more into His image.

And that, is what I want.

Instead of Decorating

2011-11-18T15:18:00.001-05:00

Our first snow this morning. At least first in which it stayed on the ground.

Great big fluffy flakes....it always reminds me of a shaken snow globe in the way it softly floats to earth.

I wanted to decorated for Christmas...but I don't want to listen to my kids excitedness for the next month and a half.

So...I took Christmas pictures instead.

Um, excuse, Owen....you need to stop growing! When did you grow up?

Lead Me

2011-11-05T21:33:00.000-04:00

Morning Dawns

2011-11-03T09:40:00.003-04:00

I watch the sun rise this morning, a golden hue breaking through the darkness. The thick blanket of frost that covers the ground this morning will, by noon, be a memory. An after thought. A reminder of the winter that is soon upon us.

Dawn breaking is a reminder to me, this morning, that it is light that melts the ice, that brings forth hope in darkness.

It's not so much different then the Light that melts the ice of my heart, that spills rays of hope in the dark places I hide. And I am thankful.

It has been far too long since I have come quiet before Him, opened Word and let it soak in. I can feel it, see the evidence of that neglect in the words that tumble out, in the thoughts that look for escape, in the frustration and impatience that bubble to the surface.

For from the overflow of our heart, our mouth speaks.

Grateful that I can turn, ran to Light and Hope and just be still.

Thankful for so much right now. Life is scattered and busy but really, it's no excuse to place the important to the side. For the closer I draw to His goodness, the more I am changed.

Do I hesitate for fear? Because as much as I long to change - to love like Him, to live like Him - stepping out is a little scary. It requires openness, a willingness to be real, to let others see inside to the places that i would rather hide.

But if God can change me, work in my life, I know that there is no stopping what He can do in the lives of those around me. So what is holding me back from stepping out in trust? In faith? In the knowledge that my God is all I need to sustain me?

My list of grace, of thankfulness, of snippets of joy continues to grow longer.

* that hunting season is, for my family, over for the year.

*meat filling the freezer bringing with it the knowledge that we will be well fed this season.

*clothes drying on the line strung in the basement and the smell of clean that fills the house as a result

*decisions that bring wonder and shock and awe all at the same time. that show me God hears.

*apple cider tea with caramel.

*frost and the colour it turns in the sunlight

*the quiet of a morning

*the arms of my Father and His lavish care

*a theme in sermons and bible studies and convict and encourage at the same time (Change!)

*homemade apple pie

*orange rice krispie squares

It continues, flows, never stops. This giving of thanks.

Hallowe'en and a Random Pondering

2011-11-02T22:15:00.000-04:00

My Big Scary Dragon

My Princess

(gotta love flower girl dresses!)

Agent "P" (or Perry)

(From Phineas and Ferb)

The 3 hooligans hyped up and ready for candy ;)

Why is it, that as a society in general, we feel the need to make kids/teens grow up faster than they need to?

Why is it, that adult, think kids and young adults should be able to *get over* and adjust to problems and situations quickly and smoothly, without causing ripples? Adults seem to want to put a time constraint on the limits of what is deemed acceptable for whatever. But it could take an adult just as long (or longer) to come to terms with the situation.

Thoughts running through my head tonight and aching for situations that I am only indirectly involved in and longing for God to reach down and heal the hurt, the pain, to fill their lives with His presence.

If you leave someone to fend for themselves when their world has been turned upside down, is it any surprise when they start to fall apart at the seams too? When they push boundaries and put walls in place? When their hurt has no where to go but in, the long term consequences are huge. But so often it is easier to push aside the little, day to day, moment to moment problems that crop up, to explain it away or to simply say "grow up and get over it".

Aren't we (as adults) called to walk along side, to mentor, to provide help and encouragement and a *safe* place?

Aren't we called to do that for each other? Let alone those who aren't younger, who have seen less of the world?

Oh the Irony....

2011-10-22T21:14:00.000-04:00

I write a post on trusting and the very. next. day., I walk into the kitchen notice something on the table and my stomach drops and I am faced with a choice.

Do I let fear take over (again) or do I trust?

So I called a friend and asked for prayer, then curled up in a ball on the floor and cried. It was at about that time that I could hear God speaking to my heart, to pull myself together and worship Him.

The song that popped into my head instantly?

How Great Thou Art.
"Then sings my soul, my saviour God to thee. How great thou art, how great thou art."

And I have been singing it for 2 days now. (although this evening there is a abc song stuck in my head from the kids cd in the car...but I digress)

Because its truth.

And "When darkness veils His lovely face I rest on His unchanging grace". Yet another hymn that has been lifted up. Because those words speak to my soul right now. That no matter where I am, His grace is unchanging and He knows what is happening and what He is doing.

So trust....

It is a choice ~~daily~~ by the minute. And when I want to fall back to fear, to anger, I will instead lift songs of praise and fill my heart with Truth.

For when my soul is spilling over in truth, the trust comes, filling me with the softness of peace and rest.

When Trust Blooms

2011-10-20T10:19:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I blog to process. My mind spins to quick for pen to keep up and there is something soothing about the clacking of a keyboard.

There are times however, that processing through the blog is too open for the thoughts that are reeling and I am left with no words to convey what is filling. It is then I resort to pictures, for I can find God easily through the lens of a camera: it stills my heart enough to sort out what is going on.

Those that know me well, know I have a tendency to build walls when I don't want to deal with something, when I don't want to look to deep in my heart to find the root of what is going on.

The past few weeks have been a lot of hiding and rebuilding of crumbling walls - walls where God has poked His finger through to touch my heart.

So here we go! Bear with me as I share a little of what God has been teaching me lately.

Trust

I was sitting in church one Sunday about 3 weeks ago and it was impossible for me to focus. I didn't want to be there, I didn't care about what was being said -which is unusual for me.

I got home and started asking God why I was hiding from Him (for I was and I knew I was....it's never a good idea for me to run from God when I know I am doing it!)

The answer?

I wasn't truly trusting Him with the circumstances.

"Yes it's hard, but God has always been faithful and provided so I will continue to trust Him."

Because maybe, if I said it enough, it would become true.

I was convicted of hiding behind words because I didn't want to admit to anyone (myself included) that the way things looked was terrifying me, that I was afraid things would not be alright.

Fear

Fear and trust, in my life, cannot co-exist.

If there is fear, I can give lip service to God, but that is where it stops. It will not make it to the depths of my heart.

Trust means letting go of control. Of the need to see a solution, to plan the next step.

I like control (but that's a whole other post!).

Trust means letting go of the desire for things to work out my way, for me to know the end result n.o.w.

Trust means truly believing that God is for me, that regardless of where I've been or what I've done, that He cares for me.

Trust means understanding that there are bigger things at work then *just* the circumstances of my life, that it's not all about me and whether I am comfortable or not.

Because God uses everything to teach us, to change us, to allow us to become more and more like Christ in our lives. God uses all the broken places, all the struggles to work in our lives and shine His glory so that when others see us, they don't see us but the God of grace and love and mercy.

Trust means being willing to step back and let Troy lead. Even when I am unsure. (so much packed in that one little sentence. Working through submission and being a Godly wise. Learning some good stuff through it too!)

It's a lot to learn. Overwhelming at times. Discouraging at others.

As I am learning to trust, to surrender, I find that there are other places I need to let God work. There are things other then trust and the releasing of fear that need to change.

Funny, how when I willingly offer up one area of my life how He touches every area. Causing me to long for more of Him, to be more like Jesus. To surrender every part of my life to a good God.

A God that walks to tough places with me. That provides me with the strength to take the next step, even when I can't see where the path may lead.

Emptying to be Filled

2011-10-17T07:00:00.000-04:00

I've been growing, learning, changing. Stepping out of the comfortable, the known, and into something that doesn't come naturally, something that takes effort and intentionality. That reminds me just how weak I really am and how much I need His strength to carry me through each moment, each day.

It's challenging.

This past week has been so good and so hard. I realized mid week that it is the first time, in a very very long time where I was genuinely happy. There's been times of peace and joy and contentment, but underlying all that has always been a sadness or darkness. But this week, I could laugh and not be doing it just because it was the expected thing. I could smile from my heart and mean it. I could play and be silly with my kids and not have it feel like a chore, like I wasn't a good mom.

This happy, looking at the circumstances, doesn't make sense. Things in life haven't changed drastically. There are still a ton of unknowns, hard places that do, on occasion, still rub the wrong way. But happy is there. Rooted deep and for once, it doesn't feel like it is fleeting.

All I can do is praise my God and fall before Him in awe. Grateful does not even begin to describe it.

I love how God is working and thankful that He doesn't leave me where I am....even when I fight it.

Finding thanks to give in the hard parts. Finding thanks to give when joy is there, spilling forth. Everyday, every moment is a gift, a blessing, a glimpse of God in my life.

Owen letting me leave him *happy* at pre-school

quiet

time spent with God -alone

surprises in the mail

learning to step out of myself to become more of the woman God has created me to be

honesty and vulnerability - even through the tears that fall

fear crumbling

rain pitter-patting in the leaves

McDonalds for dinner

babysitting money

happiness from deep within

new life and the hope it brings

colours of fall vivid on overcast days

trees that become swings

gusting wind

dancing leaves

the chill in the air

smell of homemade applesauce cooking on the stove

Love These Guys

2011-10-16T08:00:00.000-04:00

So incredibly thankful for them! What a privilege to be give the joy of mothering them. I only pray that I may do it well and that God will take up where my short-comings fall.

Growing Up

2011-10-14T08:44:00.002-04:00

Owen started a pre-school program on Wednesday. He was super excited to go and after his initial, 'I'm going to hide behind mommy's hands and be shy' he happily gave me B.I.G hugs and tiny hugs and went off to play.

When it was time to pick him up, he was all smiles and excitement. He jabbered all the way home about the things he had done.

I missed my boy Wednesday morning, but that's a good thing.
It was a nice change for me and I am looking forward to the Monday and Wednesday mornings.
This is good for both of us.

In the Woods

2011-10-11T15:07:00.000-04:00

Colours of Fall

2011-10-09T14:03:00.000-04:00

Today, is Thanksgiving. At least in Canada.

And there is so much to be thankful for. So, so much. Our family is blessed beyond measure and the things we have to give thanks for could fill pages and pages. . . .but I will spare you ;)

At the beginning of October, I started counting everyday thanks again. I had been doing it for a while and then stopped around May. But I felt that it was something I needed to start again. To continue doing. So what follows, is what I have to be thankful for -so far- in October.

I am thankful for:

a second vehicle

pre-school 2 half days a week for Owen

not having to turn on the heat yet

sermons that speak to the heart

pumpkin spice lattes

for air that smells like fall

enough airmiles for a movie night out coupon (yay date night!)

Bible study with Troy

Enough to eat every day

friends who pray for you

family pictures in the fall

a tire that holds air till I make it home

kids imaginations

baby giggles and cuddles

summer temperatures in the middle of October

a sale on the B.I.G bags of flour

clothes drying on the line

hunting season

walks with *family* in the woods

leaves crunching underfoot

homemade pumpkin pies

2 Thanksgiving dinners

Conversations from the heart

Again, so much to be thankful for, even on the days where we wonder and question and worry. There is always something to be thankful for.

The best way to sum it all up for me?

I am thankful that God is the same. Yesterday, today and forever.

Crazy Kids

2011-10-06T15:51:00.002-04:00

Gotta love this one! His personality shines through so well in this picture.....

Owen starts a pre-school program next week. I am really looking forward to it, as it will give me two mornings a week without kids, but it will also given him some much needed time away from mommy. Because he doesn't need me if I am not there, he only insists on being attached to my hip (or foot or lap or...well, you get the point) if I am in the general area he is in. And if I'm there, no one else will do.

So we signed him up for pre-school.

And...who needs to buy costumes?!?

Telling Grandma about her Super Bunny costume.

Yup, they were pretty proud of themselves!!

To those of you that have a long weekend this weekend.....

Happy Thanksgiving!!

May your list of things to be thankful for grow longer by the day.

Catching Up

2011-09-16T21:59:00.000-04:00

The last *official* weekend of summer, as in school started the next week, was filled to overflowing with friends and adventures.

I wasn't really in the mood to do anything, but knew that the kids and Troy would not want to be cooped up in the house all weekend long because mommy was being crabby.

SO....

We accepted an invitation out to a friends camp/cottage (whatever you want to call it) to hang out for the afternoon/evening.

There was fishing and boat rides and hot dogs over a fire.

There was laughter and silliness.

And skies threatening rain.
It was a wonderful day and despite not being in the mood to be around people, I am glad that we went. It was much needed by us all.

Seeing as the Monday was a holiday, we (as usual) ended up out at Hymer's Fair with friends. We always go first thing in the morning and are ready to leave just as it is starting to get busy. Which is just about perfect for our family!

Good friends trying out the mini-stilts!

Tuesday was a PA day so school didn't start until Wednesday. But, this is what the kids got for their first day of school breakfast.

I figured I would make it exciting for them!

Anthony going into gr.2 and Alexandra starting S.K

(notice their faces...they are trying not to laugh because they are both on tip-toe to be taller!)

Waiting for the school bus with kids I babysit.

Yup......that's my daughter!

And my son!!

Off to school they go!

They are enjoying themselves so much.

The weather is turning cool and fall is definately in the air.

There was frost on the ground this morning with temperatures below zero.

I love this time of year. The crispness of the air, the smell of the leaves and they fall and crunch along the sides of the roads (and let's not forget the arriving of the pumpkin spice latte at Starbucks....:)!!)

Sometimes, something surprises you and you have a choice. To become bitter, angry and

hurt, or to lean on God and trust that He is in control of everything.

The second choice isn't always (or ever) easy. But it is the best choice. So I will continue to remind myself that God knows what He is doing and I am held tight in His hands.

These past two weeks have been full of remembering to trust, to rest in and surrender to God. I know where we are is good. I have said it before and I will say it again: where we are is good because God is good.

But there are times, if I am being honest, where I want to scream and yell and throw a nice little fit. Where I am just d.o.n.e with everything and I want to know when enough is enough.

I am SO very thankful that my God allows me the freedom to bring my frustration to Him. That He lets me work it out with Him and reminds me that He is in control so I don't have to be (oh but sometimes it is so hard to give up that control, to let Him lead when I am fearful of following).

I know that the surprises of this past week are of NO surprise to God and that just because a door was closed....well, that means that there is something even better in store of us.

It is just a matter of waiting on God's timing.

He will (and has) provide for our family. It may not be in the way we are expecting or (maybe wanting) but He knows our needs and He will not abandon us.

So despite the frustration that sometimes boils over, at the end of the day I will thank my God for all that He is doing in my life and the life of our family.

I will thank Him for saying no when we were *sort of* certain that the answer was going to be yes. I trust that in the no answer, there is a chance for His glory to be displayed to those around us.

Happy 7th Birthday!

2011-09-10T12:59:00.003-04:00

Anthony;

You are growing and changing right before our

eyes.

From a little boy, to this boy-child. I've noticed it most this summer.

You coming more into your own,

becoming independent and reaching, searching for responsibility that you are old enough for.

There are times that I struggle to let you get big, to move on to that next stage of childhood.

But I know, in my heart, that it is good.

That this is where we are meant to be right now.

We love you so very much sweet boy!

May your day be filled with happiness.

Happy 7th Birthday Anthony James!

Love you always and forever!

Brothers Being Boys

2011-09-06T06:50:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow marks the start of school. The end of summer but the beginning of routine, of lessons, of *fall*.

Celebrating Them

2011-09-05T07:26:00.001-04:00

Because birthdays are best celebrated surrounded by family.

Though the Storms May Come.

2011-08-29T19:46:00.000-04:00

It's the nothingness that frustrates.

That lack of feeling, of caring, of anything really.

I can be OK because of Christ in me. For He is my strength and motivation always - daily - but especially on those days where there is nothing.

This cycle frustrates, yet I can rest knowing that there is purpose, that even here, even now, has been seen by God and is good.

Oh to remember that every moment is Holy. That You oh Lord use even the most mundane of days to shine Your grace and glory through.

Many thanks

2011-08-22T08:24:00.002-04:00

Thankful for friends who take my kids for 4 hours yesterday so I could breathe. It was much needed and much appreciated!

Happy 5th Birthday

2011-08-19T07:29:00.000-04:00

To Our Alexandra Catherine;

Where have these years gone?

In a blink of an eye, time has slipped through my grasp and I am finding that you are turning from baby girl to big girl.

And shaking our world in the process.

Not that that is a bad thing...

Watching you grow has been a blessing and your Daddy and I love you so very much.

This past year has been a year of firsts for you:

There's been school

(and all I hear, at least once a week, is "When can I be in gr. 1 so I can go everyday?")

and dance

("Mommy has dance started again yet? When can I dance again?")

There has been trips to water parks and hospitals.

Neither of which you were traumatized by.

For the record, you spent the time in recovery after having your adenoids out and tubes put in wanting to know if you could help the nurse check you out (and then you got to take mommy's blood pressure and help with blood sugar tests when I fainted)

You keep asking when you can go back.

Maybe you are going to be a doctor, or a nurse.

The compassion and care you lavish on those around you surprises me daily, and causes me to want to reach out even more.

At the hospital they gave you stickers (lots and lots of stickers) and you came home with more for your brothers than you did for you.

Stickers which you had thoughtfully chosen for each of them.

You are our spunky child.

Strong-willed and determined to have it your way.

I pray daily that those traits will, one day, be used for God.

That He may grab hold of your heart and that you will grab hold of Him with all your strong-willed determination.

Your laughter and joy at life are precious.

I pray that you wont lose that.

That as you go through this next year, that you will continue to bring smiles to those around you.

I am looking forward to this next year.

To see what adventures you will find,

what mischief you will make,

what buttons you will push,

and hearts you will melt.

Happy Birthday Alexandra!

We love you always and forever!

Love;

Daddy, Mommy, Anthony and Owen

When there are no words

2011-08-13T22:52:00.000-04:00

because sometimes,
in a week filled more with yelling and impatience than anything else,
it takes looking through the lens for me to be able to find Grace, Thankfulness and Joy.

struggling, but oh so thankful for the many.many blessings in my life.

a perfect day for a drive to the border to pick up a clients print order

a stop at a conservation area for pictures

the finding - a purchasing- of a second vehicle

snuggling a precious 3 month old and watching as my kids love on her and light up when she laughs and coos and grins at them.

Ramblings...and a few pictures

2011-08-05T23:15:00.002-04:00

Life keeps happening, flying by at an incredible pace. It's August, um...can someone PLEASE tell me what happened to July? I think I blinked and must of missed it!

We went on a vacation to Wisconsin Dells and it was incredible.

I would go back. The kids would go back. Troy would go back (so I would have to say it was a successful vacation...although by the end I was done and ready to be home!)

And home we are.

Alexandra had her adenoids out and tubes put in on Tuesday so this week I have been trying to keep her busy without her having to run or jump or be her wild and crazy self. I don't think any of it has phased her. She keeps asking when she can go back to the hospital for a check up....sigh, I might have made this week a little *too* fun for her ;) There's been a movie day with a friend, a princess dinner party and movie night with another friend (I will post pictures of that...eventually, still trying to find the time to get the Wisconsin ones up!) Tomorrow the two of us are having a yard/bake sale...Troy took the boys camping for the weekend.

Monday starts 2 weeks of swimming lessons, followed by Alexandra's 5th birthday (!), the last 2 weeks of summer before school and then, I will breathe a sigh of relief as we settle into somewhat of a routine. Still unsure of where Troy will be with jobs (4hrs a week at the college but that's all so far) But I'm not worried. God is good and He will provide. We've been there before and His provision has awed me. I know He doesn't bring us this far just to leave us AND, I also know that His way of providing may not be what we are expecting or hoping for.

Troy was marking some of the provincial tests that our province does at the beginning of July. He goes to Toronto to do it. Normally that kids and I go with him to visit my family, but seeing as we had just seen them in March, we opted to go elsewhere (with my parents) for our holidays this year. ANYWAY....Troy took Owen with him so that I would just have 2 kids (and a tag-a-long some days) to entertain. We did NOT stop. There were trips to the beach, strawberry picking, trips to the park, endless afternoons in the sprinkler. Anthony, Alexandra and I also had a sleep-over in the living room one night complete with sleeping bags, movies and their choice of dinner (it was an interesting dinner....!)

We had fun lighting pieces of driftwood and bark on fire with a magnifying glass!

I love that we have the beach to ourselves from 9am to almost 11.

This last week I had a photography client whom I hadn't met before they walked through my door. It was so much fun, and their little girl was such a sweet little thing. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be with this. There's still the nervous scared feelings, but there is also peace and contentment.

Well, it is late, and I must be up early for the yard sale tomorrow! Time to stop rambling!

I am thankful for this summer. It has been really good in so many, many ways.

Our Family and Thankfulness

2011-07-09T08:57:00.003-04:00

Sometimes it;s the littlest things that make all the difference in the world. That fill me with gratitude and fill my days with reminders of how awesome and faithful God is.

Like kids sleeping in,

Sunshine till almost 11 at night,

Temperatures warm enough for sprinklers and beaches,

Surprises in you inbox,

The planning of vacation and the excitement that comes with having a week with just the 2 big kids.

The fact that with summer comes the need for no bedtimes or naps and all the adventures that can fill days because of that.

*All photos in this post taken by Dana from Ilo Photo, a friend who decided to bless our family with the gift of pictures. It's so nice to actually BE in some pictures with my kids instead of behind the lens all the time. And for that I am truly grateful to her!!

Middleburn Bay

2011-07-05T23:50:00.000-04:00

Because this, and this:

...is how every long weekend should be spent.

Filled to overflowing with *goodness*, *blessings*, *joy*, *friends* and *laughter*

Happy 144th Birthday Canada!

2011-07-03T21:46:00.000-04:00

There is no better way to spend a long weekend, and the start of summer vacation, then surrounded by friends (who really are just extended family)

And despite the fog that rolled in thick blocking out the view of the fireworks for those that stayed to watch, God filled the sky with a light show to rival even the best man-made display.

A perfect end to a busy day! (and that was just the start of the weekend!)

While Waiting for Summer

2011-06-26T14:59:00.000-04:00

There's something special about having a Saturday where there is nothing planned.

A day to do anything, or everything and a day where the weather actually co-operates.

It's been a long while since we have spent any quality family time together, just the five of us - all five of us. And Saturday we had that chance.

It wasn't spent at home, herding children to their toys (which they refuse to play with, and I always wonder why we keep).

It wasn't spent in front of the t.v or Wii.

It was spent in creation. Exploring, playing and watching the world around us unfold in beauty.

3 hours of hiking and eating (of course!) and finding tadpoles and snails and water spiders and chives.

The warmth of the sun beating down on the rocks, the chill to the water - which felt great on our hot and sweaty feet.

The peacefulness of the morning giving way to the heat of the afternoon.

I love that my kids- all 3 of them - are capable of making hikes like this.And that they enjoy it as much as I do.

I have been exploring a website - Superior Hiking Trails and have found a lot of different trails to try this summer. I really like it because they are rated from easy to difficult and it gives you the round trip in Kilometers.

This hike to Silver Falls was rated difficult, yet the kids managed, without whining and complaining. I have found one to a bat cave (and if we go in July to September it is supposed to be when the bats swarm! How cool would that be to see?!) That one rated difficult too but it is not as long of a hike so I think we will attempt it at some point this summer.

Sun, water and trampolines.

2011-06-22T09:15:00.000-04:00

Friday was one of the few really nice days of the spring. It was sunny and hot. And a PA to boot, so the kids (plus a tag-a-long) spent all morning at a park with friends, then we came home, inhaled lunch and went right back outside.

What better thing to do then in-list the kids' help to wash the van? They think it's fun ;) so really, it's not work!

They also spent tons of time on the trampoline (borrowed from a friend who doesn't have room for it in their backyard......SO thankful for it!) and in the sprinkler.

Today, the first official day of summer and it is cool and rainy.

I'm not complaining though. I love this weather.

And thankful that it has been unseasonably cool and wet, it means I don't have to water the lilac bush that we planted for Father's Day!!

It's Been Awhile...

2011-06-13T09:20:00.001-04:00

Life has been full lately.

Sometimes it is full in a good way and sometimes, it is a full that overwhelms and threatens to destroy the balance.

I am looking forward to summer and thankful that there are only 2(ish) weeks left of the school year.

Alexandra could have sat a listened to this drummer all day. She was mesmerized by him.

Just a few from some recent photo shoots. I have been so blessed in being able to pursue this dream of mine.

Owen had a birthday party to go to too.

Happy 3rd Birthday sweet girl! We love you lots!

Pixel

2011-06-08T08:17:00.001-04:00

Sometimes, saying *yes* means coming home with a new addition.

We always knew we were going to get a 2nd cat at some point, have actually talked about it for 2 years. So when the kids and I were at the soapbox races Saturday afternoon and there was a couple giving away free kittens - which my kids BEGGED to have. I took one look at this sweet face and caved!

So home came *baby cat* as she was known for 2 days till we pulled a name out of a hat!

Pixel is just 6 weeks old and adjusting nicely to the chaos that is 3 small kids!

Grace for Today

2011-06-05T14:21:00.000-04:00

Bright Hope for tomorrow

Blessings all mine

With ten thousand besides

Great is Thy faithfulness

Morning by morning

New mercies I see.

And I truly do see them.

Yesterday was wonderful.

A gift from God in the midst of weeks that have not been easy.

Grace spilling forth as a reminder to me of Who He is and what He is capable of.

Every once in awhile there are days where I fall deeper in love with my kids, where I can enjoy them fully, say yes more often and just be in the moments of them without thinking or worrying about what is next or what time it is.

This weekend was one of those times and I am so thankful for it.

Sunny Saturdays

2011-06-04T20:20:00.000-04:00

For the past 8 years George Jeffery's Children Centre has held soapbox races. They first year we stumbled upon it by accident, we had been out at yard sales and saw all the activity so we stopped to look.

This year however, it was intentional. The kids and I headed to Waverly Hill at 9am and watched them race.

There were also bouncy castles and trees to climb, fountains to look at, kettle corn and french fries at 9:30am.

We had so much fun.

It was much needed for the kids and I to get out of the house and do something fun together, for I knew if we stayed home I would just get annoyed and grumpy.

Whirling Days of Busy

2011-05-30T20:26:00.000-04:00

Life has been busy lately, I am finding that it is hard again. Struggling through some darker days and learning through it all to lean on the One who gives me strength and carries me when the storms roll in.

I love this picture of Anthony. He was so proud of himself for finally being able to climb the tree. he's been trying for just over a year!

Because this is what 3 year olds do!

There have been birthday parties to celebrate a special little boy,

There have been 10 degree days when they just. can't. wait. for it to be summer.

And all the joy and giddiness that comes from realizing mommy is going to let them!

There have been kite festivals, and days where I realize how much easier it is taking 3 (or 5) kids somewhere when it doesn't involve strollers and diaper bags and snacks and...and.....and!

Even some giant cowboys with giant wooden horses. That terrify 3 year olds and mezmorise 5 year olds!

Bubbles, bubbles and more bubbles

Friends, headband making and the crafting of pinwheels.

Flying of homemade kites,

Days filled with sewing and picture taking and knitting and playing. The designing of websites and the following dreams, the realization that God knows my heart and hears my prayers.

Days that spin into days and leave me wondering where May went and trying to wrap my mind around June!

Some days I don't even know what we've done to make the day fly by but I feel like i blink and it's over.

There have been play-dates and hiding out away from the chaos of it all.

But these days are gifts.

Blessings and an endless source of joy from Him who gives freely.

When Dreams Bloom

2011-05-22T09:48:00.000-04:00

So exciting and a little scary all at the same time.

Check it out!

http://momentintimephoto.weebly.com/

Sun-kissed Days

2011-05-20T13:05:00.000-04:00

Friday of a long weekend.

My kids slept in the morning, if you can call Owen being awake from 5 to 6:45am and then going back to sleep sleeping in.....so the morning routine of getting lunches made and Anthony out the door was rushed.

The little ones are watching Curious George on tv and I am wasting time blogging when there are a number of other things, much more productive, that I could be doing.

I'm still in my jammies and a group of moms is supposed to show up at my house in about 45 mins.....oh well, if I'm dressed I'm dressed and if not, they are close enough friends that it wont bother me (or them)

There is a lot floating around in my mind right now.

Trying to figure out web page design and realizing just how incompetent I am when it comes to technology and learning all the stuff that goes along with it.

I am addicted to crocheting and have spent way too many hours the last few weeks on hats and booties and little baby cocoons to be used as props (because I love them and refuse to spend the money to order one from Etsy when I can make it for the cost of a ball of yarn)

My stash of fabric has multiplied (thanks to a recent trip across the border and a stop in the fabric department of Walmart) and the patterns are waiting for me to get over the crochet bug and make a certain little girl some sun dresses for warmer weather (which hit yesterday like a ton of bricks and I was very excited about)

My weekend away with Troy was fabulous. It was so very much needed. There is a certain freedom of travelling child-free and having no time constrictions. We ate dinner at 6:30pm and didn;t make it back to the hotel room until 9pm. We talked and wandered stores and stop at random spots along the way so I could take pictures and we could hike and explore. It was refreshing and good and there were a lot of really incredible conversations and progress made. Such a gift and I am thankful.

Anthony lost his first tooth (it's been loose for a while and his teacher helped him pull it at school), Owen turned 3 and Alexandra has no fear when it comes to biking! She gets to the top of a hill and pedals as fast as she can to get the bike going fast. It's a little un-nerving to watch, especially when the path turns at the bottom of the hill!)

I am filled with peace and joy as I step out towards fulfilling a dream. taking it slow, covering it with prayer and waiting, watching, learning at everything involved. It was one of the many conversations had with Troy last weekend and we made sure we were on the same page and figured out the logistics of it. I'm excited.

Lunch is almost ready (this post has taken me all morning!) and then it will be time to hang clothes on the line and let the kids run like wild and crazy animals in the back yard.

Three

2011-05-17T23:19:00.000-04:00

Owen;

Oh my sweet boy! I am sad this evening, in a happy sort of way. This past year has seen you change and grow and succeed in things I thought would take you longer to master. It has seen you come into your own and grow more independent and strong-willed (this seems to be a theme with my children....some more than others!).

I love that you still want to snuggle and be carried. There are days, that by the end, the last thing I want is for you to tug at my leg or hold on so tight, but I love it, truly.

We celebrated your third birthday with friends today, despite the fact that it is not *official* until Thursday.
And I am so thankful for you. God has blessed us in very special ways with all three of you kids and I pray for you to grow in love and knowledge of Him who created you.

Your dad and I joke that you are all boy. And you are, and that's not a bad thing! If it involves dirt, diggers (or other vehicles), loud noises, or being higher or faster you are all about it.

It was fun watching you at your party, surround by two little girls whom you adore and play well with - that distinction of *boy* just stood out all the more! It made me smile and thank God for the wonderful personality (that ~~often~~ daily drives me crazy!)

I am a little sad. We are leaving the baby stage and that is exciting and wonderful and an adventure of it's own, but at the same time, it leaves a bittersweet feeling in my heart.

I have loved watching you (and your brother and sister) grow and change and learn. But I love the newborn-ness and little baby stages, knowing that we are moving past that fills me with joy at all there is to come and with a gratefulness for all that I have been blessed with, but it leaves a little yearning too.

I know that will go in time, and that the excitement and joy will win out over the sentimental, but for now I may hug you a little longer or hold on just a bit tighter.

Owen, I am looking forward to see who you are becoming and what you will do or where you will go in this life of yours.

Happy Birthday Owen Caleb!

Mommy and Daddy love you very very much.

Owen and his friends.

Finally, warmth AND sun!

2011-05-13T16:32:00.000-04:00

The kids are soon to be with the in-laws and Troy and I are to have a weekend for us. Some of it spent here at home, enjoying the quiet (and the sleeping straight through the night) and some of it will be spent in Duluth, enjoying a hotel, eating out and sightseeing.

It has been far too long since we have had time away for more than an hour or two and I am really looking forward to the time with him. To enjoy him and talk and just to be the two of us.

I have some great pictures of Anthony, I'll get there in another post, for now I am going to get the pizza out of the oven and make sure the bags contain everything the kids will need for one night away ;)

Wordless Wednesday

2011-05-13T16:27:00.000-04:00

Playing Catch-Up

2011-05-10T12:54:00.001-04:00

Life has been speeding by.

I blink and suddenly we are almost half way through May.

When did THAT happen?

I learned to crochet....see the pretty hat? And as a result, have made at least 5 hats in the past 2 weeks....might be just a little bit obsessed with crafting. I knitted the owl as a shower gift for my great nephew and have pulled out the sewing machine again.

Alexandra had her year end concert for dance last Saturday. She did great and loved every second of it, no real surprise there. Troy gave her flowers at the end and her eye just lit up (even more then they already were!)

There is just something so special about a dad giving his daughter flowers.

There are a few older girls at our church who dance with the same company, and Alexandra adores Megan. Wants to sit with her on Sundays and everything.

I am thankful there are young ladies in our church for her to look up to and befriend. I think it's really important. Not just for girls, but for the boys too.

Alexandra is my little helper. She LOVES (and thrives) in helping anywhere she is able. We were out at my sister-in-laws for a fish fry last weekend and Alexandra was helping put potatoes in the pots and getting everything organized.

Owen turns 3 on the 19th (yikes!) and he is still very much Owen. This picture give you a good idea of what he's like.....it makes me smile every time I look at it.

He was hiding in the bedroom, would tip-toe out, put the "noculors" up and then run back into the room when he saw someone.

My kids are in love with their baby cousin (or 2nd cousin...I'm never really sure how these things work!) And both Alexandra and Owen want to hold Lee any chance they get. It really is sweet watching them interact with Lee.

We had a baby shower for him and I made these cupcakes (with the help of the kids, because I can't bake without....which is a good thing!)

Anthony's favourite part about holding Lee?

Is the fact that Lee *punches* him in the nose.

Anthony laughs and laughs and says "again Lee" and coos at him.

It just melts my heart.

I have so much to be thankful for.

grass is starting to be more green then brown. It made me silly happy!

early morning bubble baths and the giggles and splashing that it brings

bike rides

children napping

a quiet morning and the chance to snuggle and read with my oldest

toys cleaned, organized and put away

preparations for a weekend away going smoothly (and for a husband who did all the planning!)

sunshine

drizzles of rain and the excitement of umbrellas and rain boots

a brand new baby and the chance to sit and soak up all that baby goodness.

learning to release idols and the joy that it brings

school days

kids playing content

bbq season

Life is full and I wouldn't have it any other way. God is continually opening my eyes to the blessings He provides in abundance and I am learning to rest daily in His grace.

There are days when I am so exhausted I could cry and there are days when I am so filled with contentment and the flooding of peace that it makes the hard days worth it.

Ramblings of a Tired Mommy

2011-05-03T09:27:00.000-04:00

I am thankful for the warmth that is in the sunshine this morning - despite the temperature being below 0, for the crispness in the air, the singing of birds, clothes on the line and peace and joy that are surrounding me this week.

The past few weeks have been interesting. . .

I notice that there are times when I cling, tightly, to something (or a few somethings in this case) and that when I do, it affects every aspect of my life.

There is no joy to be found in the idol, yet I am incapable of smashing it.

Sure, I try. I knock it over half-heartedly, expecting it to stay down.

But on my own, I am powerless to destroy that which wants to take the place of God in my life.

It is only by laying it before Him. By asking God to smash it to a million pieces, that I can be free from the longing and striving of the idols in my life.

I've been trying to teach Anthony about seeking God first. That how he responds to a situation reflects the thoughts and feelings resting in his heart. Not that those are necessarily wrong, but the way in which we react and express them says a lot about where our trust and hope lay.

There have been a whole lot of melt downs and tears and anger from my oldest lately and I am at a loss. My heart aches because he doesn't seem happy or content. And my heart hurts from the words the fall from his mouth some days.

I am struggling with him.

I know that God has Anthony. That I am not able to change hearts and fill him with a desire for God. But it is my prayer that God will work. That Anthony will come to know Him and trust Him.

Not because it will be easier for me, but because of the peace and hope and joy that will fill Anthony's life.

Right now, it is always someone else's fault (by default, usually mine) and he knows the right answers, spews them out in response.

Is Anthony not getting something he needs? I question and wonder and pray that God will guide me, teach me and help me to mother this sweet child of mine.

I don't know what to do. I am at a loss. I am struggling. I am hurting.

The Folklore Festival this past weekend was so much fun. Alexandra and Owen were mesmerized by all the dancing. They would just stop and stare.

I love that there are so many different cultures celebrated in this city and that there is a place where I can take the kids so they can see the dances and taste the food from some of these different areas of the world.

p.s

2011-05-02T15:28:00.000-04:00

Do we rejoice at the death of a world leader because of what he stood for?

I don't think it is ever alright to rejoice in or celebrate the death of a person (not talking in the context of celebrating that they are spending eternity in worship and communion with Jesus, free from pain and sorrow and suffering).

God's timing in perfect.

Always.

I listen to the news and the theories and all I can think is:

God's got this too. His way, His planing, His timing.

A man may plan his deeds but God directs his steps (loosely paraphrased there.....). Even in the context of free will and choice (I don't understand but I know it's Truth)

This is NOT a surprise to God.

The aftermath is NOT a surprise to God.

He uses even those who stray so far from Him in His Kingdom plan.

We will never understand it this side of heaven (and we may not understand in there either), but God is in control.

And that fills me with peace.

There is evil, there is pain, there is war and death and sorrow.

But there is peace because I rest my security on the Rock Who cannot be shaken.

I will trust in the midst of trouble and chaos that God is directing and planing and using.

Yesterday, today, tomorrow.

There are no surprises in store for God.

And there is great hope and peace in that for me.

Freedom

2011-05-02T08:01:00.000-04:00

A lot on my mind this morning.

A fair amount of it political.

Which amuses me, because I'm not political. In fact, really I couldn't care less.

I don't usually speak my mind in matters of politics for several reasons, mostly because I don't usually know what I am talking about because I don't follow it ~~alot~~ at all.

But.....

This morning Canada votes. As a country we go to the polls and check a box, place a leader in position.

It is a comfort to me that God already knows the outcome of today. That His hand is in this - whether our country admits to it or not. That's the great thing about God.

I am thankful that today, I have the privilege of being about to voice my opinion. I may not care for politics, but there are people dying for this right. I am thankful to have it, thankful for a God who holds the outcome in His hands and thankful that we, as a country have the freedom of opinion, of decision. There are so many people who take this opportunity to vote as a right, take it for granted, use their freedom to not for because they can or they don't care or they think the leaders aren't good enough.

Our three choices are human. Are fallen. Are politicians.

But, they will not rule our country through dictatorship, through force or tyranny. They will take our collective opinions into account in their leading of the country (although often-times it seems like they don't).

So I am thankful for today. For the voting booths that are NOT lined with soldiers keeping peace, for the fact that we can cast our vote without fear of repercussions to us or our families. For the fact that we can cast our vote at all.

Craziness

2011-04-30T20:33:00.002-04:00

There are days where I wish God would stop the sun in the sky and give me another hour (or three).

Days where that extra time would be used to savour the moments of enjoyment and delight and to finish off everything that really, truly does need to get finished before I fall into bed tonight.

Today is one of those days.

Between Alexandra's dance lesson, an unexpected trip to the walk-in clinic, the Folklore Festival (at which Alexandra was dancing), making (and decorating) cupcakes, buying groceries, finishing a stuffed, knitted owl and a crochet hat I'm not really sure where my head is today.

But I do know that God has His hand all over today.

In every little thing, and in every little moment and I am grateful that I can see that.

I can see Him in the way my daughter smiles and giggles on stage, in the way that (by His grace) I didn't snap in my hunger induced impatience and the fact that I am excited for all that needs to still be done tonight.

Living in the moment.

Enjoying what I am doing right now (in this case typing a blog when there are better things on my to-do list
that should be being accomplish....but this is my sanity check....I digress!)

And not stressing about what still needs to be accomplished.

Captured

2011-04-27T09:18:00.001-04:00

There are times when there are no words.

To find the right ones to convey all the is going all.

All the goodness,

joy,

contentment.

All the moments of weakness,

the smashing of idols,

the reminders to stop and find joy in each moment.

It is at those times, that I am thankful for my camera.

For God who lets me look through the lens and see Him.

i heart faces - Pets

2011-04-26T08:40:00.001-04:00

Our family went for a hike at a Provincial Park near where we live yesterday and we just happened to stumble across this sweet little squirrel eating his lunch!

The kids thought it was great and it was perfect timing for the pet photo contest over at i heart faces.

Check out all the other pet faces!